Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
