I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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