Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
