I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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