I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
