Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
