Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
