It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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