I puked a lego.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
