Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
