he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
