I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
