At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
