Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests š
Iām lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Heās older
Like āhas a job and pays his billsā older or āstill watches porn on DVD because he canāt figure out the Internetā older?
Randomize
