life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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