So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
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I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
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He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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