I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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