If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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