there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
