"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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