remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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