My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
