Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Randomize
