she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
two words: eviction party
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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