Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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