Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
