butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You made out with two different species that night
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
