Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
