My balls are so social today.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
