Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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