she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
