I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
