We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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