I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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