Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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