the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
