Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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