My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
