before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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