I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
