Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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