I've blown a few things in my day
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
