i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
