That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
