I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You made out with two different species that night
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Randomize
