White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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