My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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