two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
