you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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