Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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