Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
