So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i would punch a child for taco bell
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
