The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
