dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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