It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I currently don't understand fingers.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
