The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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