I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
