just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
