Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
