ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
