winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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