i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
