God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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