I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
