I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
