I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize