Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
