she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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