Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Shitshow foam night was such a success
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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