we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
