I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I deserve this hangover.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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