textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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