i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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