he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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