all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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