i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
