had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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